Self diagnosis is said to be dangerous. So for weeks when my fingertips would go white and numb in random combinations and at odd times, I resisted the urge to visit WebMD or consult the book of symptoms sitting on the bookshelf. I would simply shake my hands in the hope of getting the blood flowing through them properly again and likewise shake off the concern that there was something seriously wrong. I prayed that the annoying habit would simply go away, and vowed to consult a doctor if it didn't.
But one morning as I felt the tell-tale tingling start up and watched as the tip of my middle finger turn white, I found I was more curious than worried, and took to the internet to find some answers. I came away with two problems solved, instead of just the one.
I discovered that Raynaud's Phenomenon is a condition in which the digits of the hand and or feet experience a restriction of blood flow due to blood vessel spasms, usually as a result of exposure to heat or cold. A progression of skin color from white to blue to red is characteristic as the blood flow is first restricted, the tissue experiences oxygen deprivation, and then the spasm ends and normal blood flow is once again restored. The most basic treatment is simply to protect the affected area from exposure to the temperatures that triggered it.
I was fascinated by the information, especially as it applied to a similar problem I was having in my spiritual life. I'd likewise experienced a restriction in Blood flow of sorts, especially to my fingertips as they hovered above the computer keyboard, waiting for words to type. No inspiration moved them to connect letters into words that expressed faith, hope, or encouragement of any kind. Pages that once easily filled up with print were left white and waiting for direction from a brain that felt numb and devoid of spiritual direction of any kind. Apparently there was some restriction in my spirit, the evidence of which was my increasingly blue emotional state.
Restrictions in our ability to see and hear from God on a regular basis can have many causes. Sin can sometimes separate us from our Source as we pull back from God out of guilt and a reluctance to submit to His authority. Sometimes God goes quiet to cause us to pursue Him more passionately, as once having had a taste of His Presence in our lives, we become hungry for more. And sometimes He is simply waiting for us to complete His last direction before He's ready to move on with the next step of our spiritual journey.
The latter was the case in my situation. God had been speaking to me about returning to an area of ministry that once filled my thought life as well as my days, but in recent years had been moved to the sidelines as I pursued other spiritual interests. He wanted me to become active in that initial activity once more, and gave me guidelines as to how to go about it. I accepted His direction and dabbled in doing as He asked, but clearly didn't jump into it as wholeheartedly as He desired.
He got my attention by seemingly withholding His; He simply went silent. And suddenly, so did my keyboard. I had nothing to say if I couldn't hear His voice. I tried to shake things loose on my own, and when those attempts were unsuccessful, I got serious in looking to Him for answers. He simply told me there was something He had asked of me that had been left undone.
It didn't take me long to figure out what it was. I took up His request with new resolve, and amazingly, experienced relief on two levels. Just as my fingertips experienced a “flushing” of blood once the blood vessel spasms ceased, so my spirit experienced the same, and ideas and words rushed to fill the void. God's message to me was clear: Remove the restriction and the Blood flows freely once more.
I've likewise learned from my web search that I can prevent future occurrences of Raynaud's Phenomena by protecting vulnerable areas from exposure to the cold. And surely I can do the same with my spirit. I cover my hands now when filling my birdfeeders on chilly mornings, perhaps for more reasons than one. I need the reminder to handle God's directions with kid gloves, making sure I follow them explicitly and finish them completely, so that His Blood can flow to the farthest reaches of my soul.
“And Samuel said, 'Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.'”
(1 Samuel 15:22 ESV)