It was still early in the day when the
elderly man came through my line at the grocery store with a mixed
assortment of items he wanted to buy, the last of which was three
glazed donuts tucked inside a bakery bag, it's top carefully rolled
closed. He was in the process of paying me when his wife suddenly
showed up beside him, having stopped at the store unexpectedly and
spotted him there. They smiled and chatted briefly...until she caught
a glimpse of the bakery bag and rightly discerned its carefully
concealed contents. Her demeanor changed instantly.
“You bought donuts?” she
asked incredulously. “You knew we were going to have breakfast...”
“I know,” he stammered, “but I
just wanted to get these.” It was obvious to me that for some
reason, whether for health concerns or because they had made other
breakfast plans, donuts were on a forbidden food list, and with the
purchase he had clearly crossed an invisible line. Noting the look on
her face, he turned back to me and said, “You don't do marriage
counseling, do you? I think I'm going to need it...!”
On my next break I told the tale to my
husband via text message, and his finger-tapped response to me was,
“Wise counseling would have been to confiscate the donuts and bring
them home to me for further study.”
I laughed as I read his reply and then
shook my head, thinking to myself, “Men and their donuts. What are
you going to do?” But the truth of the matter is that both men and
women find themselves tempted with forbidden sweet treats, not just
inside the grocery store, but within the boundaries of the marriage
relationship as well. Taking the person standing beside you as your
lawfully wedded spouse also entails promising not to engage in
behavior that would in any way damage the relationship you have
legally, emotionally and physically given yourself to. With every “I
do” spoken at the altar comes an unspoken but equally binding “I
do not” list that ensures the sanctity of the verbal
commitment.
No two such lists are exactly alike.
While there are some basic entries common to all; each couple's list
is as unique as the individuals in the union, and it evolves over
time. As the years go by, each marriage partner learns what upsets
their spouse, and that item is then added to the list of actions and
attitudes they have learned to avoid. Common sense counseling advises
both couples to stay away from the items on the list if they do
not want to upset their beloved.
We feed whatever we give our attention
to, however, and if we are constantly focused on what we can't have
or shouldn't do, soon that's all we think about. Those thoughts grow
until they eventually become actions that can destroy in an instant
the trust and compatibility in a marriage that took years of effort
to build. A better way to marital happiness is to concentrate on
developing the sweetness of the relationship itself so that you are
not tempted to look elsewhere for the joys you have at home. Develop
an “I do” list of actions that delight your wife or husband, and
you will find that as the list grows, your happiness together does as
well.
A day or two after the donut episode
described above, I saw another man who regularly does the weekly
shopping duties for his wife because she doesn't enjoy the trip to
the store. Doing the chore for her is a simple way to make her happy.
His visits always end the same way. As I slide each item across the
scanner he says, “That one's for her...that one's for
her...that one's for her...”, until we come to the last
item, which is likewise always a couple of donuts in a wax paper bag.
As I reach for those he always says, “And those
are
for me, my treat for
doing her shopping!”
As he walked away, I realized that that
man has found more than donuts in his bakery bag; he's learned that
doing whatever he can to make the one he loves happy brings it's own
reward.
“It is absolutely
clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you
don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and
destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another
in love...”
(Galatians 5:13-15 MSG)
Great post. Those women may not know it, but a bag of donuts is a small price to pay for that depth of love.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right! It is amazing the number of little things we can do to show our love, and the big rewards that come of the effort! Thanks for reading!
DeleteAgree with Jenn's comment, above. And there must be something about men - my husband also has a sweet tooth!
ReplyDeleteI gotta admit, the bags of donuts and (asiago cheese!) bagels that come down my scanner belt tempt me more than just a little bit, lol...! It's just a good thing I don't work in the bakery department...!
Delete